Many people think that forgiveness is a gift to others and it’s a way of letting people of the hook, however, forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself. When we are bothered by the actions of others in our past we are filled with anger, hate, resentment and emotional pain. Forgiveness is a way to release all of those negative emotions from your inner body and begin the healing process. The day you choose to forgive, is the day you choose to live in the present by releasing the past transgressions done unto you. Please note that just because you have forgiven someone doesn’t mean that you will forget what they have done to you. Forgiveness is a way to let go of the wrong that was done to you in the past and prevent it from controlling your life now in the present or the future.
Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean that you want to reconnect or continue a relationship with them. Depending upon the situation it could be in your best interest to keep them at a distance. Especially, if the individual continues to stay abusive and/or refuse to change their negative ways. Forgiving someone who refuse to change their negative behavior and keeping them at a distance is a great way to protect yourself from emotional pain. It's also an excellent way to still reap the benefits of forgiveness.
Here are some useful techniques to follow. Pick one, two or all to help you cope.
1. Breathing Techniques – If you find yourself tense, stress or thinking about your past transgressions…………..STOP, TAKE A DEEP BREATH IN, HOLD IT FOR 5 SECONDS AND THEN SLOWLY EXHALE. Continue to do this process until you achieved inner calmness.
2. Let it out – Find a good friend or mentor and tell them your past story. However, don’t tell them in hopes of getting sympathy or a “pity party”. Talk about your past emotional pain in hopes of being empowered. Notice how you are able to explore your feelings and discover how this past transgression has made you a better person. Choose to be “Victorious” instead of being a victim.
3. Think about reaping the benefits – Remember, forgiving someone is not benefiting them…………it’s benefiting you. By forgiving, you benefit from inner peace, health and future blessings. Having a better life due to your past transgressions is the best form of “pay back” there is. We are most like God when we forgive. Remind yourself that forgiveness is a pathway to inner well-being and spiritual enlightenment.
Sometimes we may dwell on the pain that was done to us by a loved one in the past. Sometimes we may dwell on times when we felt disappointed, abandoned, betrayed or rejected. Sometimes we may think about other people we have wronged. We remember these negative situations and unconsciously make them a part of us. This is a dysfunctional relationship that we will have with ourselves and it will change who we really are. It will consume our life and cause us to put an emotional wall. This is one of the many reasons why forgiveness is necessary.
Forgiveness is defined as: giving up resentment against or the desire to punish; stop being angry with; pardon.
When you forgive you release yourself from past burdens. You eliminate the pain, anger and hurt from the past so that you can start the healing process. When you forgive, you give yourself the freedom to live in inner peace and emotional wellness.
Remember these tips about forgiveness:
1. You can not start the healing process without forgiving.
2. Forgiveness does not mean that the pain will go away. Someone can forgive and still feel emotional pain from the past. However, full recovery from this pain is inevitable once forgiveness has taken place.
3. Forgiveness is not forgetting or letting someone “off the hook” about their past transgressions against you.
4. Forgiveness does not mean you have accepted the negative actions done against you. It doesn’t make the other person's negative behavior okay either. Forgiveness simply releases the control the person's actions had on your life. It frees you and allows you to heal spiritually, emotional and physically.
5. Most dis-eases can be cured through forgiveness.
How to forgive:
1. You can either write down using a pen and paper or type on a journal using your computer the name of the person who has wronged you in the past, what they did to you and how it made you feel
2. Take a few days to create this list and if you remembered someone or something else then add it to list. Finish the list within 3 – 5 days.
3. If you typed the list on a computer, print it out. If you have written it down on a sheet a paper and made some mistakes then rewrite it in perfect condition on a new sheet of paper.
4. Take the list and read it out loud. When you are finished take a deep breath in and slowly breath out.
5. Say either silently or softly to yourself “ I am ready to heal. I am ready to free myself from this pain. I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. I choose to make this experience empower me by forgiving _________ [read all the names] But most of all I forgive myself. I am now ready to take my power and life back!."
6. Take the list and rip it into shred or burn it completely until it’s nothing but ashes
7. Do the same exercise again 3 weeks later for other people who have hurt you in the past. Remember to always forgive yourself in each exercise.
8. Now you’re ready to start life without emotional baggage, suffering and pain.
So enjoy your new life or inner peace and happiness. You are now ready to live a NEW YOU!
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